Pre-Alarm Pondering

Picnic at Sunset

Light seeps into the room from several directions. Starting as a dark canvas the objects in the room begin to find their shape, angles emerging from a dark sleep. The birds chatter like there is no tomorrow, the ceiling fan whizzes with delight, soon bells will toll from a nearby church.

I'm not quite ready yet. The day came too quickly upon the heels of the last, and I could use more rest. Yet the moments, minutes and seconds, are counting down towards the chime of my alarm. It will start gently, but offer no forgiveness should I choose not to respond or wish to fall back to sleep after turning it off.

There are natural rhythms for our bodies, and the longer days have made it easier to be awake and active. I want to be outside early, picnicking at the park for dinner, biking to get ice cream, walking the neighbors dog, contemplating the progress of foliage from the hammock on our tiny back porch... Unlike the winter, when I want to curl up next to a fire, bake something sweet, put on some tea and do hardly anything that makes my adrenaline rush for multiple days at a time. 

Hard to believe as I used to be so active year round; three time state champion in track and field, soccer, ultimate frisbee, avid swimmer, more recently various road race participant. Have I grown old and undisciplined? Perhaps my body is simply acclimating to the climate? Shoveling snow and the occasional snow shoe or ski suffice for an entire winter's worth of exertion! That's not quite it, however, I need a tweak of ambition. I've grown bored by the lack of current challenges; a new goal must be set!!

Snowshoeing through the Woods of New Hampshire

Neighborhood windows

Daisies and Budding Trees Between our House and the Next

Our back windows overlook a handful of houses down the hill. I often find myself glancing down to see what the neighbors might be doing, while I refill my water glass or clean the dishes. One house I often observe, sold in the depths of winter, still hidden under our record breaking piles of snow.

The family which moved in brought with them a small, black, cat with a white stripe down her forehead onto her nose and under the chin. And lately she has taken to sitting at the large glass door off the dining room, watching the yard come alive. Spring is finally here! 

There is a small band of woods between our house an theirs, maybe 5 trees deep, in which the squirrels love to hop from the trees to the fence enclosing her yard just to taunt her!! This morning as I rinsed out my smoothie jar, I glanced down to see her face scanning attentively with each passing bird. In correspondence to the wind which rustled the trees, her tail flicking was and eyes wide.

I hate to be cooped up. I can hardly stand sleeping in, or resting for five minutes upon returning to the house (I must put my bag away or organize something!!). As I watched the little kitty, the neighbor came across the porch to the door. Would the kitty pounce?! Would she seize this moment to escape and explore the great outdoors? Would her dreams of chasing after the many small creatures in the yard finally come true? No. None of the above. She slunk away into the depths of the house, under the security of the kitchen table legs, to return when the door was once again safely closed, only then, did she continue her attentive watching of the world at play. 

As I stepped out of the window light and returned to my morning routine, I had a single thought: let me never be content with watching my world pass by, I want to live while I'm alive.

Passing of a Loved One

http://littlevisuals.co/

She’s gone and remains 100 forever, frozen in time and memory as the same person you once knew and will never know again.

You grieve in the days that follow, rehashing her smile, her judgment, her story, with friends and family alike. The festivities come to a close, yet the emotions remain to be processed. Suddenly you are alone. 

Wave after wave, after wave of goodbye. We cannot change the past, only learn from what has been said and done. Yes, you may miss her, in fact you must!! But it is time to let her go.